Around the world in 60 seconds!

The mind’s become quite the wanderer. It’s been travelling rapidly, and in an unorderly, non-sequential fashion, around the world!

It sometimes drops in at an Irish pub – loud, live music, funny cackles, clinking of alcohol glasses! Or then it takes a walk along the pretty countryside – pristine and green!

It also hops to Paris and breathes in the romance and enjoys the brightly lit evening sky. It stands at the foothills of the Alps, and looks around with unbelieving awe – ‘I’m actually here’!

It travels through the London streets, and smiles at the undependable weather!

It wades along the canals of Venice, It takes in the beauty of Greece, It surrounds itself with the wonders of Turkey and It lazes in the sun of Bali.

It strolls through the vineyards of Western Australia, the lushness of the Reef.

It admires the beauty of Zealand, and tries fathoming the might of the Mafia in Sicily.

It also sits in darshan lines at Puttaparthi, appreciative of the Divine Grace of seeing its Creator in the physical form, and then it also experiences the sheer love and joy of Pune, coz that’s home.

Oh, it travels wondrously to and fro, here and there, imagining and creating sights as it moves.

And when it settles down, it makes me smile. And I think in the thinking space of my wandering mind, that someday, very soon, we’ll take a trip together :)

My Dear Sai

This is for my Guru, my God, my Everything...

If you’re lost, you can look,
And you will find me,
Time after Time…

If you fall, I will catch you,
I will be waiting,
Time after Time…
(Cyndi Lauper)


Her lips were stained cherry,
Her eyes as black as the moonless night,
Her hair awry,
And her bosom heaving with the heaviness of her plight.

She squinted in the darkness,
There wasn’t a soul to grasp her extended hand,
Again the rush of fear filled her with its furious sharpness,
As she realised she was in No-Man’s Land.

Threatening evil sparks flitted across,
She shuddered as she saw,
They burned like fire and cut like frost,
There was no escaping their law.

One said, “I’m your anger, you’ve made me breed’,
Another said, ‘I’ll hurt you, for I’m your greed,’
One commanded, ‘I’m your Desire, give me my due’,
And yet another evilly whispered, ‘I’m your Ego; I’ll destroy you.’

She screamed, she scrambled,
But they chased at her heel,
Her mind was mangled,
Her head began to reel.

Then suddenly, a flash of brilliant colour,
In an instant the throbbing fear seemed duller,
For before her He stood,
And a voice told her, ‘If someone could protect you, only He could and only He would.’

She fell at His Lotus Feet,
And saw Love pour forth from His eyes,
The love of the Sun and its Light,
Of the Mountains and their Might,
Of a Mother and the Baby at her umbilical cord,
Of the Universe and its Lord.

‘Save me,’ she cried,
He touched her face, and her tears miraculously dried,
Her evil followers cowered in fear,
As He took a step near.

‘They’re gone,’ He gently spoke to bring her calm,
His words were a Promise, his sweet voice a balm.
‘Who are you?’ she softly questioned,
He smiled and his hands beckoned.

She walked with Him into His world,
A world where peace danced, and Love swirled,
Where each existing atom bowed in reverence,
Where only bliss reigned, with no interference.

There was no rich or poor,
There was no evil wrongdoer.
There was no hatred or hurt,
There was no evil, no dirt.

‘Where am I?’ she quietly stopped a bowing passer-by,
‘Why, dear child! Don’t you know you’re in the world of Sathya Sai?
He walks with you now,
That’s a sign of his unbreakable vow,
That He’ll always be beside you,
Through troubles - the nagging old ones and the new,
You called out to him surely,
And He pulled you out of your fear and misery,
Have faith in Him and surrender your life,
For noone but He knows best how to protect you from strife…’

She listened, awestruck and blessed,
She knelt, kissed His hand, and her eyes said the rest,
He smiled – first ripples, then waves of love filled her heart,
She cried with indescribable joy and said, ‘Sai, from you I never wish to be apart.’

He said, ‘I will protect you and show you the way,
I have always waited for you…, for this day,
When you would reach out for me,
In true humility,
I have waited for you to sacrifice your anger, greed, desire and ego,
And long for only love to let your soul grow.
The world is just a playground,
Till the right path is found,
As there is no ‘Many’, there is only ‘One’,
And if you realise that, then you have won.
You, My child, have to know that in your heart,
We were always One right from the start,
Distractions hid the truth from you,
But now you have found Me again, and started anew.
Go back into your world now,
And I will endow,
Strength and Love,
So you may show the rest how to rise above.’

‘Thank you, Dear Sai,
I was lost and naive,
But I will now tread on Your road,
And walk a stride that I’ve never till now strode,
For I now have the grace and love of the highest accord,
Coz You, Dear Sai, are now my mother, my father, my guru, my God.’

What this girl wants :)

It’s a little after 12 midnight. I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the last half hour. Not that I have anything to complain about – I have my favouritest soul on my wallpaper – Mowgli :) but yea, coming to the point, I’ve just stared at the screen as one day came to an end, and the next day began. And strangely, nothing seemed different.

I mean, you have people blahing about ‘It’s a new day, a new beginning’ [Yes, I’ve done it too on GTalk (!!!)], but ultimately, it’s just the most clichéd pep-me-up line we resort to.

Anyway, so as I watched the clock needle touch 12 and go past it, I had the most craziest, insanest but keenest desire for something to happen! For the new day to show some sign of arrival, or the old day to show some sign of goodbye.

(Sighing) But, alas, there’s no chance of a miracle tale here or a ‘wish being granted’ story. Point is, Nothing happened. The only teeniest difference is that I’m staring at this word document and the keyboard alternately. Mowgli’s not in the current picture.

Yea, that’s the only difference. Rest is the same. The thoughts are the same. The expression is the same. The restlessness is the same.

‘What is it that I truly want?’ I narrow my brows and ask myself. I’ve been doing a lot of this forehead-frowning lately, expecting the pressure on my third eye to somehow give out the answer.

I’ve even become friends with the ‘imaginary friend’ that we all have but resort to only at times like these, when sanity seems on the brink of rolling onto the other side! No, I’m not going insane, but because of the hundred thoughts-dreams-wishes in my mind, I can’t think straight sometimes.

So coming back to my imaginary friend – I call him ‘N’. Yes, he’s a ‘him’, and yes, his name starts with ‘N’.

So, N and I go off on these day dreams – and we take off without warning. Whether a friend is narrating a seemingly interesting story, or we girls are in the midst of our boy-bashing activity or I’m writing down my random thoughts – none of these matter. I just zone out, and travel to my dreams with N. (I know you’re sure I’m insane now, but honestly, I thoroughly enjoy these trips).

The dreams are perfect, even though the most brilliantly happy ones have ticked the ‘Never-come-true’ option in reality! There’s music, there’s drama, there’s joy, there’s happiness, there are smiles, there are happy tears, there’s love, and there’s ‘forever’, just like in those misleading Happily-Ever-After tales I’ve already had a go at!

And when I zone back in to what we call reality, I shake my head in amazement at what the heart can drive silly 22-year-old girls like me to do!

Yes, the heart… Even though broken into a thousand pieces, each piece still finds hope through the pain; each piece radiates joy through the sorrow; and each piece still loves with all that it’s got!

And that hope-joy-love is just what I experience when in zone-out mode.

It just struck me that maybe I’ve answered my question – ‘What do I truly want?’ – The answer has got to be hope, joy and love – not in my dream world, not in my fairytale land – but in my real world: In this world, where I’m sitting in front of my computer and staring at this word document and keyboard alternately.

Today, I read somewhere that Love is the power you give someone to completely destroy you, yet trust them not to…

When I think about it, I know I gave love and the power of love. I got hurt – I’m left with stubborn wounds and a broken heart – but beneath all the world’s ‘pep-me-up’ lines (trust me when I say I’ve armed myself with ALL of them!), I still miraculously love; and I still miraculously trust.

That said, it’s half past 12, and nothing’s changed.

I never thought I’ll ever give up on something I believed in so completely. ‘Us’.

I never imagined that a day would come when I would sit up and realise that what I’ve been holding on to was gone.

And it happened out of the blue, suddenly, just as a random, deep truth.

Well, not exactly out of the blue, and not exactly random.

The signs have been there, some subtle, some right in my face, but the stubborn me that I am, I’ve ignored them. I’ve ignored the fact that I knew the end had come. I’ve ignored the fact that maybe it had ended a long, long time ago.

When two people make promises, they do (atleast I have) intend keeping them. I’ve promised to hold on. I’ve promised ‘now & forever’. But in the end, does it matter? Does any of it matter, when all that’s left is hurt?

Someone said to me the other day– ‘To tell you to forget is foolishness on my part, but all I can say is treasure the memories and move on’.

How do I explain it’s those very memories that hold me back, pull me back and refuse to let go? How do I explain that I’ve lived the last many, many days just on those memories?

But then, truth is, memories are, after all, just memories – vivid pictures in your mind of things that ‘were’…

Someone asked me the other day: ‘Why write and let the world know?’

How do I explain that words are all I have to comfort me? How do I explain that I’m too scared to say all I want to say to the other half of the ‘us’ I believed in? Nothing matters on the other side...There’s no ‘us’, there’s no ‘we’, there’s no ‘forever’. Knowing that, I write, to pen down what’s within, to express the hurt, the disappointment, the anger, in the only way I can…

Someone joked with me the other day – ‘Look at your face! Life is over, Oh My God!’

I smiled, because I had actually believed life was over. But truth is, I’m still breathing, and my heart is still beating. Yes, there’s a lot of pain, but the wise have said ‘Time is the best healer’ and I’m going to let Time do its job.

The last many months have been like a turbulent plane journey for me. Only now, when I’ve opened my eyes, looked at the broken pieces around me, have I realised that the journey has ended. The plane has crashed. And I’ve survived it all.

Why did God make Mowgli? :)

…To reassure me that there’s at least one soul who loves me truly, completely and wholly. Not for who I am, what I do or how I look – No, he loves me for being me. :)

…To say ‘I love you’ when I’m dying to hear it. (Woo wooo woooo = I love you)

…To lick my tears away when I’m hurting.

…To snuggle up and sleep with me when I feel alone.

…To play with me when I’m bored.

…To listen to my heart tales because everybody else is more than fed up.

…To assure me that he’ll never give up on me, and that he’ll kiss me, hug me, and love me even if noone else does.

…To prove to me that distance can never come in the way of love – Sitting thousands of miles away on the chair in front of the computer webcam, he still makes me feel just as loved.

…To teach me a lesson of selflessness – I’ve never played with him all the times he’s wanted to; I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve taken him for a walk; I’ve left him alone at home when I could’ve taken him along, BUT still, he’s cheered me up EVERY time I’ve cried, he’s given me uncountable kisses without me even asking, and he’s always waited at the front door when I’ve returned home.
He gives love without expecting it back; he gives love because he wants to give it.

…To make me realise that there’s greater joy in giving love than receiving.

…To show me how to be happy with the little things of life – All he needs is his bone, his pillow, our bed, our blanket and us :) Oh and yea, a cat for his amusement, and maybe a drive to gran’s house to feel the breeze blowing in his face.

…To give us 8 little Mowglis. I haven’t even been able to touch them, and this is one time I regret being so far away from home, but I know they’re blessed to have the best set of parents – my Mownee-Mo & Betty girl.

When God made Mowgli, he definitely had me in my mind. God knew I’ll feel alone away from home; God knew I’ll be hurting for whatever reason; God knew that sometimes the tears would just not stop, so He made Mowgli – my own black-n-white spotted handsome distant healer. :)

Of course, Mowgli is made for hundred other reasons (The family is big you see, and each one NEEDS him). He has the topmost place in the family, and there’s not one of us who’ll dispute the claim.

Bottomline: My Mowgli is the King of the house, and the King of My heart. :)

Fairytales

I was once a little girl with fairytale dreams. Like all little girls, I believed there was a Prince Charming for me. Like all little girls, I believed I’d be someone’s princess, someday. Like all little girls, I believed in ‘Happily Ever After…’

But then I grew up.

Days melted into years, and I wondered if I’d ever find my fairytale. If I’d ever find my Prince Charming. If I’d ever be His princess.

Suitors came and went. In each of them, I’d try to find my story. I’d try to search their eyes for a ‘Happily Ever After’.

There came a time, three years back, when my dreams broke, my heart hurt and I stopped believing …almost.

That’s when my Prince walked into my life.

Birds sang, flowers bloomed… I knew I’d found the right page, the right fairytale.

Like every fairytale, mine experienced the good and the bad, the twists and the turns, the kind and the wicked.

I felt a feeling I’d never remotely come close to feeling before – a feeling of Love. True Love. Real Love. Forever Love.

All love songs seemed to be sung for us, all love quotes seemed to be penned for us. He was my world, and my world was Him.

But then something snapped.

The page tore, the story ended…

The flowers wilted, the birds stopped singing, the sun stopped shining, the rainbow disappeared.

My eyes cried, my heart broke.

I try, everyday, to pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together.

I try everyday to not look back.

I try everyday to not feel love.

I try everyday to believe that this wasn’t my fairytale.

But, the pain doesn’t go…

Truth is, there are no fairytales. They only exist in dreams.
And if they do exist in this world, then not all of them have happy endings…

The little girl inside has grown up with me. And now, she no longer dreams; she no longer hopes; she no longer believes.


{Listen:}
[Girl in the Mirror]

Holding On..

For him, who I'll love forever


I cry every night,
Thinking of our love and fights,
I cry in the shower,
Wondering how I’ll get through the hours…
I try thinking other things,
But everything other than you stings,
I feel helpless, I feel alone,
Without you, nothing seems like home,
You’ve moved ahead,
But I still remember all the lovely things you said…

When I look at the stars, the moon, the sky,
I send love to you, and promise never to say goodbye,
But when I think of you telling me to move on,
My heart misses a beat; it feels hurt, scared and torn,
I pray all the time,
For God to extend the seconds that I can call you mine,
For you to come back to me,
Hold me and whisper that this is how we’ll be,
Forever together, you and me…

Always yours.

My Little World of FRIENDS

Life wouldn’t be complete without Friends.

They say, if at any stage in life, you can count your friends and complete one hand of counting, you’re among the luckiest.

At this stage, I think I am :)

This is my small world of people who matter, and people who I’ll be there for, come what may…

(P.S.- The order of names doesn’t matter. They’re all VIPS in my life :))

Ankeeta
We met as strangers, but became best friends,
Without her, my laughs, joys, and fun would surely end.
She stops my tears even before I cry,
We’re perfectly tuned with nothing between us – no how, what, when or why. :)

Chanda
She’s as crazy or crazier than I am,
When we’re together, of the world we give a damn,
She puts up with my tantrums,
And takes away the blues from my life’s humdrum. :)

Punkuj
When we need each other the most,
Whether to cry or raise a toast,
We know we’re gonna be there,
To show our love and utmost care. :)

Booby
The cutest guy I’ve ever met,
Booby hai, toh life’s set!
He’s troublesome, annoying and moody,
But when I see him, all I wanna say is ‘I ‘Lou’ you, Booby!’ :)

Priya
She’s pretty Piyu,
Who knows how to be there for you,
Her drunk times I’ll always miss,
Coz only then does she allow me a kiss :P

Mangu
We go back to days of school,
From the wannabe times to the cool,
I don’t need to tell her I Love her,
Coz she knows in my life her place can’t be taken by another. :)

Mann
We have memories of laughs, tears and school fights,
But what I miss more is our sleep-over nights,
Talking till we fall asleep…,
Mann, you’re a friend for keeps. :)

Shalina
She knows me inside-out,
Knows when I need a hug, a smile or a shout,
The best dancing partners we are,
And we’ll always love each other, no matter how near or far. :)


Soni
We’ve had fun and fights,
But She knows how to make me feel alright,
I love her for how crazy she is,
And for me she’ll always be an older sis. :)

Nihar
Don’t know where to start,
He has a special place in my heart,
He’s been a true friend,
And I know we’ll stick around for each other right till the end. :)

Amrita
She’s my Mom Part Two,
Always worried about what I’m doing and will do,
I hardly show her how much I care,
But she knows that when she needs me, I’ll drop everything and be there. :)

Mum
A mum less, a friend more,
She’s taught me how to trust, love and adore,
She can’t stand my tears,
She fights against all my fears,
She wishes the best for me,
Really, My all-time best friend is she. :)

Neerav
Sometimes, I wonder how I lived before he walked into my life,
He’s troubled me, said and done things that cut like a knife,
But he’s stolen my heart,
And in my thoughts, dreams and prayers, we’ll never be apart,
I never knew I could love this way,
Make someone my world, my breath, my night, my day,
No matter with who we are, when and where,
He knows I’ll always be right there,
And whether it’s this or the next lifetime,
I’ll always love him like he’s only mine… :)

Coming to Australia...

Life, as I knew it, changed as the plane landed in Brisbane. This little girl grew up.

There was no Mom to put up with my tantrums; no Dad to raise a brow at my skimpy dresses; no Ankeeta to doll up and party with; no bitching partners – Ankee and Chanda and Booby and Priya and Amrita and Shalina to have a session with; no Mowgli to hug and sleep with; no Neerav to love, hug, fight with and kiss.

There was no car to drive; no extra money to splurge; no job; no absolutely fantastic colleagues; no sign of anything remotely PUNE!

But, I’ve survived. I’ve matured. I’ve learnt. And, I’ve managed just fine.

- I live with the BEST Ozzie family in town. They love me, I love them.
- I’ve made new friends. Some crazy, some sane.
- I’ve learnt how to clean my room, do my laundry, and cook a bit (just a bit :P).
- I’ve learnt how to live without the car. Yes, I’ve learnt how to walk!
- I’ve started attending college. Finally, I’m experiencing the life of a student!
- I’ve realised the value of money! Yes, I’m still jobless and quite broke.
- I’ve understood the importance of keeping in touch with friends!
- I’ve realised what true love is and I feel amazingly lucky to have felt it.
- I’ve learnt that love hurts only if you let it, so now I love without expecting it back; I love without wanting to own; I love only because I want to love.

But more than all this,
Coming here to the Gold Coast, living the life of an international student, and understanding the different culture, has made me realise one important thing:
That I’m blessed.

Blessed because I have wonderful parents, who I know, will do anything to see me smile; Blessed because I have friends, who, though so far away, still care so bloody much; Blessed because I have a family to go back to; and Blessed because I know the One up there is with me through every step I take, every smile I smile, every tear I cry and every breath I breathe.

Blessed because I value Life more – what I had, what I have and what I can have.

And, Blessed because I know I’m on the right path, chasing my dreams.

Love...

For him who I'll love forever.

I asked how you are,
They said you’re just fine,
I smiled that hour,
Even though you’re no longer mine…

I looked at our pictures,
Perfect love, perfect lovers,
And a tear rolled down,
Because you’re no longer around…

I picked up my phone,
To tell you I feel so alone,
But I changed my mind,
It’s too late to rewind…

I saw you online,
Your picture, your wide smile,
I wrote I love you,
And deleted it before I could ask if you do too…

I closed my eyes,
And there my thoughts, feelings and love remained undisguised,
I held you close,
I no longer felt morose,
I kissed your lips,
My heart did a skip,
Over and over, I said I love you,
And I cried with joy as I thought I heard you say ‘Love, me too…’

Always yours.

Always...

For him who I'll love forever.

People whiz past,
But time stands still…
I open my eyes,
And I still see you,
In the haze,
In the rush,
It’s always only you…

I said I don’t need you,
I said I’ll be fine,
I said I’m going to let go,
It’s only a matter of time,
I led you to believe I’m moving on,
I led you to believe I’m waking up to a new dawn,
But my heart won’t stop aching,
How can it, when it’s still with you?
My dreams won’t stop breaking,
How can they, when they don’t come true?

I reach out sometimes,
But I can’t feel you,
You’ve left me…again,
And I cry when I’m alone,
I hold my breath,
I clench my hands,
But nothing changes;
We still remain separated by the sands…

The morning comes, and I tell it to wake you gently,
I breathe in the air, and send love to surround you,
I feel happy and wish you’re never sad again,
I feel lonely, and pray you’re never alone…

When night falls, I feel scared,
What if I can’t make it through?
What if the tears don’t stop?

But, just before falling asleep,
I say a silent prayer,
If tomorrow never comes,
You should always have the armour of my love and care…

But if the sun does rise,
And I see a new day,
You should know that I’ll think of you in the same way,
That you’re second to none,
That you’ll always be THE one,
That I miss you every second that ticks by,
That I’ll love you even through my last breath as I die…

Always, always yours.

If...

If words could tell you how I feel,
I’d write and never stop;
If smiles could tell you I’ll be true,
I’d smile till the very end;
If tears could tell you I need you,
I’d cry myself to death;
If music could tell you I love you,
I’d sing till my voice runs dry;
If dance could prove you make me happy,
I’d dance my life away;
If my eyes could show you that you’re all I want,
I’d never close them even for a second;
If my heart could whisper I love you to you,
I’d never let it stop beating…

…Because, when I write it’s only for you, when I smile it’s only for you, when I cry it’s only for you, when I sing it’s only for you, when I dance it’s only for you, when my eyes look for someone it’s you, and when my heart beats it’s always going to be only for you…

Always yours.

Promises

…It’s been raining since you left me
Now I’m drowning in the flood…
You see, I’ve always been a fighter
But without you, I give up.


You promised me promises,
You promised me hugs and kisses,
You promised you’ll never break my heart,
You promised you wouldn’t let us be apart,
You promised you’ll be there…always,
You promised we’ll be together till the end of our days…
But not one of them did you keep,
You took away my smile, my sleep,
You left me alone,
You broke the threads I’d lovingly sown,
You just gave me tears,
Sleepless nights and fears,
My eyes look for you in everyone I meet,
A thought of ‘us’ still makes my heart beat,
But the pain throbs,
And the tears drop,
I try to let go,
My head says yes, my heart says no,
I’m a fool to still believe,
That you’ll never let me leave,
A fool to think you care,
No matter with whom why, how or where,
I wonder if you even know how much I’m hurting inside,
Seems like a part of me just died,
I cry as I write,
Dreading the approaching long night,
Everyday, I promise myself to try,
To take deep breaths and keep my eyes dry,
To move on,
To a new life, a new dawn,
To forget the pain,
To get a grip and grasp the reins,
And ride away from thoughts and memories of things you’ve done and still do…
And forget that I said ‘I love you’ to you…

I smiled

For him, who I'll always love...



The other night,
I lay awake,
Sleep was elusive,
And I knew I was at a point where I had to be decisive.
The pictures, the memories breezed through my mind,
And in an instant, my eyes cried, but my heart smiled…
I cried because you weren’t here,
And I smiled because you were far, yet so near;
I cried because of the hurt I felt,
I smiled because in my heart, your love dwelled;
I cried because I didn’t want to think of you,
I smiled because your memory was as fresh and sweet as the morning dew;
I cried because I needed you so much,
I smiled because I could feel your touch;
I cried because all I had was pictures,
I smiled because I could feel my fingers tracing your features;
I cried as I thought of the moments before I left,
I smiled because it was you I held and wept;
I cried out of fear that we’d lost each other,
I smiled, knowing that for me there’d never be another;
I cried thinking of living without you by my side,
I smiled knowing my heart would beat only for you, even if I died;
I cried because you wouldn’t even know how much I love you,
I smiled because I knew;
And I smiled and smiled and smiled because I hadn’t realised until then
That I had so much love to give,
Because I hadn’t realised until then that loving you was all I needed to live…

Always yours.

Heaven

For him, who I'll love forever...

We’ve been down that road before
And it’s over now…

The words ring over and over,
I look out, seeking some kind of closure,
But all I see is darkness,
Oh, how I long for your warm embrace,
How I pine for your sweet kiss,
There’s not one thing about us that I don’t miss,
Your eyes, narrowing as you smile,
Your lips, gently pressing against mine,
Your touch, so close, so true,
Your words, whispering ‘I love you’…
Then reality snaps me out of my reverie,
And I feel the darkness again, dark and eerie,
But I make a silent promise to you, to me, to us,
Through every waking moment, from dawn to dusk,
A promise to never let go,
A promise to love you till the end of my road,
To breathe so I live to love you,
To hope with every heart beat, we’ll one day say ‘I do’
To hold you through the night,
To be by your side, through wrong and right,
To lie down with my head on you,
Your arm around me, protecting from every rue…
And to know just then,
That this is and this will be forever my heaven…

Always yours.