I never thought I’ll ever give up on something I believed in so completely. ‘Us’.

I never imagined that a day would come when I would sit up and realise that what I’ve been holding on to was gone.

And it happened out of the blue, suddenly, just as a random, deep truth.

Well, not exactly out of the blue, and not exactly random.

The signs have been there, some subtle, some right in my face, but the stubborn me that I am, I’ve ignored them. I’ve ignored the fact that I knew the end had come. I’ve ignored the fact that maybe it had ended a long, long time ago.

When two people make promises, they do (atleast I have) intend keeping them. I’ve promised to hold on. I’ve promised ‘now & forever’. But in the end, does it matter? Does any of it matter, when all that’s left is hurt?

Someone said to me the other day– ‘To tell you to forget is foolishness on my part, but all I can say is treasure the memories and move on’.

How do I explain it’s those very memories that hold me back, pull me back and refuse to let go? How do I explain that I’ve lived the last many, many days just on those memories?

But then, truth is, memories are, after all, just memories – vivid pictures in your mind of things that ‘were’…

Someone asked me the other day: ‘Why write and let the world know?’

How do I explain that words are all I have to comfort me? How do I explain that I’m too scared to say all I want to say to the other half of the ‘us’ I believed in? Nothing matters on the other side...There’s no ‘us’, there’s no ‘we’, there’s no ‘forever’. Knowing that, I write, to pen down what’s within, to express the hurt, the disappointment, the anger, in the only way I can…

Someone joked with me the other day – ‘Look at your face! Life is over, Oh My God!’

I smiled, because I had actually believed life was over. But truth is, I’m still breathing, and my heart is still beating. Yes, there’s a lot of pain, but the wise have said ‘Time is the best healer’ and I’m going to let Time do its job.

The last many months have been like a turbulent plane journey for me. Only now, when I’ve opened my eyes, looked at the broken pieces around me, have I realised that the journey has ended. The plane has crashed. And I’ve survived it all.