Fairytales

I was once a little girl with fairytale dreams. Like all little girls, I believed there was a Prince Charming for me. Like all little girls, I believed I’d be someone’s princess, someday. Like all little girls, I believed in ‘Happily Ever After…’

But then I grew up.

Days melted into years, and I wondered if I’d ever find my fairytale. If I’d ever find my Prince Charming. If I’d ever be His princess.

Suitors came and went. In each of them, I’d try to find my story. I’d try to search their eyes for a ‘Happily Ever After’.

There came a time, three years back, when my dreams broke, my heart hurt and I stopped believing …almost.

That’s when my Prince walked into my life.

Birds sang, flowers bloomed… I knew I’d found the right page, the right fairytale.

Like every fairytale, mine experienced the good and the bad, the twists and the turns, the kind and the wicked.

I felt a feeling I’d never remotely come close to feeling before – a feeling of Love. True Love. Real Love. Forever Love.

All love songs seemed to be sung for us, all love quotes seemed to be penned for us. He was my world, and my world was Him.

But then something snapped.

The page tore, the story ended…

The flowers wilted, the birds stopped singing, the sun stopped shining, the rainbow disappeared.

My eyes cried, my heart broke.

I try, everyday, to pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together.

I try everyday to not look back.

I try everyday to not feel love.

I try everyday to believe that this wasn’t my fairytale.

But, the pain doesn’t go…

Truth is, there are no fairytales. They only exist in dreams.
And if they do exist in this world, then not all of them have happy endings…

The little girl inside has grown up with me. And now, she no longer dreams; she no longer hopes; she no longer believes.


{Listen:}
[Girl in the Mirror]

Holding On..

For him, who I'll love forever


I cry every night,
Thinking of our love and fights,
I cry in the shower,
Wondering how I’ll get through the hours…
I try thinking other things,
But everything other than you stings,
I feel helpless, I feel alone,
Without you, nothing seems like home,
You’ve moved ahead,
But I still remember all the lovely things you said…

When I look at the stars, the moon, the sky,
I send love to you, and promise never to say goodbye,
But when I think of you telling me to move on,
My heart misses a beat; it feels hurt, scared and torn,
I pray all the time,
For God to extend the seconds that I can call you mine,
For you to come back to me,
Hold me and whisper that this is how we’ll be,
Forever together, you and me…

Always yours.

My Little World of FRIENDS

Life wouldn’t be complete without Friends.

They say, if at any stage in life, you can count your friends and complete one hand of counting, you’re among the luckiest.

At this stage, I think I am :)

This is my small world of people who matter, and people who I’ll be there for, come what may…

(P.S.- The order of names doesn’t matter. They’re all VIPS in my life :))

Ankeeta
We met as strangers, but became best friends,
Without her, my laughs, joys, and fun would surely end.
She stops my tears even before I cry,
We’re perfectly tuned with nothing between us – no how, what, when or why. :)

Chanda
She’s as crazy or crazier than I am,
When we’re together, of the world we give a damn,
She puts up with my tantrums,
And takes away the blues from my life’s humdrum. :)

Punkuj
When we need each other the most,
Whether to cry or raise a toast,
We know we’re gonna be there,
To show our love and utmost care. :)

Booby
The cutest guy I’ve ever met,
Booby hai, toh life’s set!
He’s troublesome, annoying and moody,
But when I see him, all I wanna say is ‘I ‘Lou’ you, Booby!’ :)

Priya
She’s pretty Piyu,
Who knows how to be there for you,
Her drunk times I’ll always miss,
Coz only then does she allow me a kiss :P

Mangu
We go back to days of school,
From the wannabe times to the cool,
I don’t need to tell her I Love her,
Coz she knows in my life her place can’t be taken by another. :)

Mann
We have memories of laughs, tears and school fights,
But what I miss more is our sleep-over nights,
Talking till we fall asleep…,
Mann, you’re a friend for keeps. :)

Shalina
She knows me inside-out,
Knows when I need a hug, a smile or a shout,
The best dancing partners we are,
And we’ll always love each other, no matter how near or far. :)


Soni
We’ve had fun and fights,
But She knows how to make me feel alright,
I love her for how crazy she is,
And for me she’ll always be an older sis. :)

Nihar
Don’t know where to start,
He has a special place in my heart,
He’s been a true friend,
And I know we’ll stick around for each other right till the end. :)

Amrita
She’s my Mom Part Two,
Always worried about what I’m doing and will do,
I hardly show her how much I care,
But she knows that when she needs me, I’ll drop everything and be there. :)

Mum
A mum less, a friend more,
She’s taught me how to trust, love and adore,
She can’t stand my tears,
She fights against all my fears,
She wishes the best for me,
Really, My all-time best friend is she. :)

Neerav
Sometimes, I wonder how I lived before he walked into my life,
He’s troubled me, said and done things that cut like a knife,
But he’s stolen my heart,
And in my thoughts, dreams and prayers, we’ll never be apart,
I never knew I could love this way,
Make someone my world, my breath, my night, my day,
No matter with who we are, when and where,
He knows I’ll always be right there,
And whether it’s this or the next lifetime,
I’ll always love him like he’s only mine… :)

Coming to Australia...

Life, as I knew it, changed as the plane landed in Brisbane. This little girl grew up.

There was no Mom to put up with my tantrums; no Dad to raise a brow at my skimpy dresses; no Ankeeta to doll up and party with; no bitching partners – Ankee and Chanda and Booby and Priya and Amrita and Shalina to have a session with; no Mowgli to hug and sleep with; no Neerav to love, hug, fight with and kiss.

There was no car to drive; no extra money to splurge; no job; no absolutely fantastic colleagues; no sign of anything remotely PUNE!

But, I’ve survived. I’ve matured. I’ve learnt. And, I’ve managed just fine.

- I live with the BEST Ozzie family in town. They love me, I love them.
- I’ve made new friends. Some crazy, some sane.
- I’ve learnt how to clean my room, do my laundry, and cook a bit (just a bit :P).
- I’ve learnt how to live without the car. Yes, I’ve learnt how to walk!
- I’ve started attending college. Finally, I’m experiencing the life of a student!
- I’ve realised the value of money! Yes, I’m still jobless and quite broke.
- I’ve understood the importance of keeping in touch with friends!
- I’ve realised what true love is and I feel amazingly lucky to have felt it.
- I’ve learnt that love hurts only if you let it, so now I love without expecting it back; I love without wanting to own; I love only because I want to love.

But more than all this,
Coming here to the Gold Coast, living the life of an international student, and understanding the different culture, has made me realise one important thing:
That I’m blessed.

Blessed because I have wonderful parents, who I know, will do anything to see me smile; Blessed because I have friends, who, though so far away, still care so bloody much; Blessed because I have a family to go back to; and Blessed because I know the One up there is with me through every step I take, every smile I smile, every tear I cry and every breath I breathe.

Blessed because I value Life more – what I had, what I have and what I can have.

And, Blessed because I know I’m on the right path, chasing my dreams.

Love...

For him who I'll love forever.

I asked how you are,
They said you’re just fine,
I smiled that hour,
Even though you’re no longer mine…

I looked at our pictures,
Perfect love, perfect lovers,
And a tear rolled down,
Because you’re no longer around…

I picked up my phone,
To tell you I feel so alone,
But I changed my mind,
It’s too late to rewind…

I saw you online,
Your picture, your wide smile,
I wrote I love you,
And deleted it before I could ask if you do too…

I closed my eyes,
And there my thoughts, feelings and love remained undisguised,
I held you close,
I no longer felt morose,
I kissed your lips,
My heart did a skip,
Over and over, I said I love you,
And I cried with joy as I thought I heard you say ‘Love, me too…’

Always yours.

Always...

For him who I'll love forever.

People whiz past,
But time stands still…
I open my eyes,
And I still see you,
In the haze,
In the rush,
It’s always only you…

I said I don’t need you,
I said I’ll be fine,
I said I’m going to let go,
It’s only a matter of time,
I led you to believe I’m moving on,
I led you to believe I’m waking up to a new dawn,
But my heart won’t stop aching,
How can it, when it’s still with you?
My dreams won’t stop breaking,
How can they, when they don’t come true?

I reach out sometimes,
But I can’t feel you,
You’ve left me…again,
And I cry when I’m alone,
I hold my breath,
I clench my hands,
But nothing changes;
We still remain separated by the sands…

The morning comes, and I tell it to wake you gently,
I breathe in the air, and send love to surround you,
I feel happy and wish you’re never sad again,
I feel lonely, and pray you’re never alone…

When night falls, I feel scared,
What if I can’t make it through?
What if the tears don’t stop?

But, just before falling asleep,
I say a silent prayer,
If tomorrow never comes,
You should always have the armour of my love and care…

But if the sun does rise,
And I see a new day,
You should know that I’ll think of you in the same way,
That you’re second to none,
That you’ll always be THE one,
That I miss you every second that ticks by,
That I’ll love you even through my last breath as I die…

Always, always yours.

If...

If words could tell you how I feel,
I’d write and never stop;
If smiles could tell you I’ll be true,
I’d smile till the very end;
If tears could tell you I need you,
I’d cry myself to death;
If music could tell you I love you,
I’d sing till my voice runs dry;
If dance could prove you make me happy,
I’d dance my life away;
If my eyes could show you that you’re all I want,
I’d never close them even for a second;
If my heart could whisper I love you to you,
I’d never let it stop beating…

…Because, when I write it’s only for you, when I smile it’s only for you, when I cry it’s only for you, when I sing it’s only for you, when I dance it’s only for you, when my eyes look for someone it’s you, and when my heart beats it’s always going to be only for you…

Always yours.

Promises

…It’s been raining since you left me
Now I’m drowning in the flood…
You see, I’ve always been a fighter
But without you, I give up.


You promised me promises,
You promised me hugs and kisses,
You promised you’ll never break my heart,
You promised you wouldn’t let us be apart,
You promised you’ll be there…always,
You promised we’ll be together till the end of our days…
But not one of them did you keep,
You took away my smile, my sleep,
You left me alone,
You broke the threads I’d lovingly sown,
You just gave me tears,
Sleepless nights and fears,
My eyes look for you in everyone I meet,
A thought of ‘us’ still makes my heart beat,
But the pain throbs,
And the tears drop,
I try to let go,
My head says yes, my heart says no,
I’m a fool to still believe,
That you’ll never let me leave,
A fool to think you care,
No matter with whom why, how or where,
I wonder if you even know how much I’m hurting inside,
Seems like a part of me just died,
I cry as I write,
Dreading the approaching long night,
Everyday, I promise myself to try,
To take deep breaths and keep my eyes dry,
To move on,
To a new life, a new dawn,
To forget the pain,
To get a grip and grasp the reins,
And ride away from thoughts and memories of things you’ve done and still do…
And forget that I said ‘I love you’ to you…

I smiled

For him, who I'll always love...



The other night,
I lay awake,
Sleep was elusive,
And I knew I was at a point where I had to be decisive.
The pictures, the memories breezed through my mind,
And in an instant, my eyes cried, but my heart smiled…
I cried because you weren’t here,
And I smiled because you were far, yet so near;
I cried because of the hurt I felt,
I smiled because in my heart, your love dwelled;
I cried because I didn’t want to think of you,
I smiled because your memory was as fresh and sweet as the morning dew;
I cried because I needed you so much,
I smiled because I could feel your touch;
I cried because all I had was pictures,
I smiled because I could feel my fingers tracing your features;
I cried as I thought of the moments before I left,
I smiled because it was you I held and wept;
I cried out of fear that we’d lost each other,
I smiled, knowing that for me there’d never be another;
I cried thinking of living without you by my side,
I smiled knowing my heart would beat only for you, even if I died;
I cried because you wouldn’t even know how much I love you,
I smiled because I knew;
And I smiled and smiled and smiled because I hadn’t realised until then
That I had so much love to give,
Because I hadn’t realised until then that loving you was all I needed to live…

Always yours.

Heaven

For him, who I'll love forever...

We’ve been down that road before
And it’s over now…

The words ring over and over,
I look out, seeking some kind of closure,
But all I see is darkness,
Oh, how I long for your warm embrace,
How I pine for your sweet kiss,
There’s not one thing about us that I don’t miss,
Your eyes, narrowing as you smile,
Your lips, gently pressing against mine,
Your touch, so close, so true,
Your words, whispering ‘I love you’…
Then reality snaps me out of my reverie,
And I feel the darkness again, dark and eerie,
But I make a silent promise to you, to me, to us,
Through every waking moment, from dawn to dusk,
A promise to never let go,
A promise to love you till the end of my road,
To breathe so I live to love you,
To hope with every heart beat, we’ll one day say ‘I do’
To hold you through the night,
To be by your side, through wrong and right,
To lie down with my head on you,
Your arm around me, protecting from every rue…
And to know just then,
That this is and this will be forever my heaven…

Always yours.